I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
