No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think my mom watched the whole time
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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