why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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