So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
