wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize