This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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