I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
