Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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