a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
