I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
