i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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