Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
