Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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