I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize