Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
