While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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