i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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