I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
