I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
