i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Congratulations! We have a period
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