I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
