Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
