I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She bit a glass in half.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
