it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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