i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Someone shattered a urinal.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
