Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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