sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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