I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
