just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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