Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
