sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
