dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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