I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
