this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
