dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is my gift to your gina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
