I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
