i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
