he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
