Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
