I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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