sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
