Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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