so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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