1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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