I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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