It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize