i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he shaved USA in his pubs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
