I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
