You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
