Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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