I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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