Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize