are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
