I think my fart just growled at me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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