garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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