I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
FUCK WHALES
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