i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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