He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
