Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I look better un-naked...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
