I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
