I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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