I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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