Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
