Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So many bounce houses so little time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
