i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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