Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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