You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
