I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
