the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
