I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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