Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
