the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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