i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
