I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
