Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
