Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
