Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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