fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
