wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
