Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
