So drunk its hurt
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
