i just had sex bonerless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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