i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
