Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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