That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
