5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
